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Wondering About Waiting

Lately, Marcus Mumford's lyrics echo in my ears promising repeatedly to "wait for me" in melodious tones, while Fitzgerald informs me that "the girl really worth having won't wait for anybody" and Joan Juliet Buck agrees, telling me that women with short hair "look as if they have somewhere else to go" encouraging me to refuse a state of limbo and forge forward. But is it foolish or noble to be caught waiting--I feel like Don Quixote attacking windmills with the nebulous future my own ferocious giant. So often it's as if these years are an in-between stage; that point in life where I'm still becoming what I will be, my life still establishing itself trying to figure out when habits become patterns and patterns define lifestyle. I live independently, I pay bills, socialize on occasion, but it doesn't feel like "the rest of my life" yet. I'm not completing a dozen DIY projects to personalize my home, since I only barely signed a year's lease and might end up hundreds of miles away from this state once those 365 days have run their course. It is as if there's still something unfinished about my person. I suppose I just want to wake up one day and say, "this is it: I'm a spinster" or I'm a hermit, or whatever I end up being (none of those terms are offensive to me). I know that for many people it's fluid; we perform different jobs at different points in time--even if we choose to be parents we eventually end up as empty-nesters. Yet, still many people decide on some form of defining characteristic in how they see themselves and their role in the world. I'm still waiting for that characteristic to surface...But perhaps I relate best to Oscar Wilde's words in The Importance of Being Earnest, "If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life." (Not the first time I felt a kinship with Gwendolen.)

Outfit details:
UO hat
thrifted sweater

9 comments:

Natali said...

Modcloth has the best dresses! This one is so lovely!

http://lartoffashion.blogspot.com

Naomi at The Occasional Indulgence said...

I love the way you write <3

http://theoccasionalindulgence.blogspot.com/

Mychal said...

Maybe no one is ever finished, they just settle. They lose all the nuances and just focus on the one or two things that they will allow to define them. Sure, it may clarify things, but for me, it sounds awful boring. I'll offer you another quote, this time from Tolkien:

"Not all who wander are lost."

Sarah K. said...

beautiful pictures, beautiful post.

I think we have a lot in common on this subject...

I've basically been a nomad for the past five years. I did get married, but we're no closer to "settling down" or having a career or being "real" adults than we were in university. there are things people expect me to have figured out (kids, job, house) that I don't even know if I want yet.

I feel like I'm in a constant state of waiting for my life to start. and while it does make me feel older and anxious, it's also kinda more fun. I was never one for rigorous planning. :)

bedroomocean.blogspot.com

Bivisyani Questibrilia said...

I guess in life no one ever really knows who they are. They just pick what they want to be and follow that, even though fate may want to pull them to the other side. Maybe one day you WILL wake up and think "I'm a hollabalooza!" but, yeah, it doesn't happen to me. I don't know what I am but I know who I want to be and try to get there if nature lets me.

KT said...

I think that with rising population and life expectancy, along with the acceleration of innovation it is going to become more and more common to go through a large part of your life in this way. We have longer to live than ever before and the world is changing quickly. We also have to compete with billions of people on this crowded planet and global economy. When I have these same sorts of thoughts, I think about inspiring people who took their time to become who they are. Julia Child didn't discover French cooking until she was 37 years old! There's no timeline for life, so take your time. :)

niki said...

that hat is adorable!
~niki <3
http://youngandimmortal.blogspot.com/

Samantha Manzella said...

You look so lovely in orange. :) And I think that, honestly, it is 100% okay to be so many different things at once. I can relate to you; I often feel torn between my aspirations to write novels, to teach and study French, to travel endlessly, to study philosophy and ideologies, to study art and learn to be a better artist. It can be overwhelming. I think that most people feel this way, though: totally pulled in different directions. And it's OK. I'm learning this, too, in the advent of time spent visiting colleges. I can be as much (or as little) as I want to be.

<3 Samantha
http://samlovesmakeup.wordpress.com

Lexie said...

This might be really presumptuous of me, but maybe it's time for you to try something new? You've been doing the same thing since college - blogging - and though it's taken you a million places and given you lots of opportunities, maybe you should seek out something beyond the writing for the internet?